menu.

so here i am, attempting to get my brain to concentrate on community vs. public health.. and all i can think about is my belly hanging over my pajama bottoms. i try to eat healthy for the most part, but i think my problem is quantity.. and sweets. okay, maybe i'm not as healthy as i thought lol. being that it's the first of the month (anyone else here bone thugs in their head right now??), i've decided to attempt to blog my daily menu every day to try and keep myself accountable for what i'm eating.

hey.. maybe i'll even fit some physical exercise in here and there...

breakfast:
coffee w/ 3tbsp peppermint mocha creamer
mcdonalds oatmeal

snack:
1 cup 1% chocolate milk w/ chocolate chip cookie

lunch:
2 eggrolls

dinner:
wonton soup w/ added tofu
1/3 pork vietnamese sandwich

dessert:
2 pieces mochi

try not to judge.. i didn't start my day planning to blab to the world about my healthy food choices (can you hear the sarcasm??). man i feel super gross now. i seriously spend the middle part of my day fueled by sugar and deep fried deliciousness. wow. the only bonus points i can give myself are to the fact that i did actually measure my creamer and milk out of habit. go me!

here's to day 2!

Make-up review, Luna Twilight palettes.

In honor of Bella's birthday.. omg. I know, I'm such a super dork.. I decided to post my make-up review of Luna Twilight's palettes inspired by the women of Twilight. When I first saw this collection come out, I freaked. I love Twilight and all things Twilight.. but everything was pretty pricy! So I held off until I found a 25% off coupon from this website.. and went to town! Okay, not really. I wanted EVERYTHING.. but I held back and got the Rosalie and Bella palettes.

As you can see, they are pretty small.. about the size of a credit card.. but they're perfect for stashing in your purse for an emergency touch up. I normally wear quite a bit of make-up, but I wanted to really be true to these colors, so I only used some clinique tinted moisterizer, a mac powerpoint (waterproof) eye pencil in 'duck', and maybelline's lash stiletto mascara in black (which i LOVE, btw).

I didn't take a picture of the Bella palette, this is Rosalie. On the left are two lip glosses, then two shadows, then a blush. Obviously very pink-toned, and the shadows are very sparkly (LOVE!). The colors were very light, and since that first try I have used the mac 'paints' to increase the pigment on the shadow. Here's me wearing Rosalie:

and closer. I really like the pink cheeks and the sparkly-ness of the shadow. The glosses aren't very dark, but that's fine with me since I'm not a lipstick-wearing kind of girl. I like them more than any other gloss I've used. They go on smooth, aren't sticky, and don't taste funny. Perfect!

Below is me wearing Bella. The shades are even more au-natural.. and 'earth-toned'. The shadows aren't quite as sparkly, and the blush is very nude. It's a perfect summer palette.. and I actually prefer the nude-toned lip glosses over the pinks of Rosalie.

 

Overall, I've been very pleased with them.. and I use them all the time. I would definitely recommend some sort of primer on your eyes and face to increase the pigments a bit. The shadows are pretty loose, so the powder will get on the mirror.. but that's nothing a swipe with a kleenex won't fix. It makes me smile to open up my make-up bag and see my Twilight palettes. What can I say? I have a minor obsession..

second most-requested recipe...

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a serial baker.. and therefore, most of the recipes people request from me are for cupcakes, cakes, cookies, etc. My most-requested recipe is here if you're interested. ;)

However, recently many people have been requesting the recipe for my mom's taco casserole. I think she actually refers to it as "mexican casserole" .. but you catch my drift. It's super yummy, and can easily be modified to suit your tastes. For example, I use brummel and brown yogurt spread instead of butter, 94/6 ground beef or higher, and the light shredded cheese blend from trader joe's. However, I'll write it out as given to me by my mom.. since it is her recipe. That being said.. it's not very exact. lol.

MEXICAN CASSEROLE.. adapted from the kitchen of Nancy Eitel.. <3
this recipe is written for a 13 x 9 x 2 baking dish.

2 lbs ground beef
2 packets taco seasoning
2 cans diced tomatoes with green chilis (such as rotel)
2 cans sliced black olives, drained (or you can slice the whole ones yourself.. i'm lazy)
fresh cilantro, chopped*
1 pack large corn tortillas
butter
1 bag shredded mexican cheese blend

*optional, i know a lot of people don't like cilantro

Butter both sides of the corn tortillas, you will use about 4 per layer, depending on the size. Each layer will kind of look like this.. pardon my horrible illustration.

okay.. i'll admit.. i had fun with it. see the tomatoes and olives and cheese?! yes, that's cheese sprinkled on top of the buttered tortillas. lol.

Anyways, what I'm getting at is that you'll have to cut some of the tortillas in half to get them to fit right in the dish.. Also, I don't really know what happens when you don't butter the tortillas.. let me know if you try doing it that way. Set the buttered tortillas aside while you cook the beef mixture.

Brown ground beef in a large pan, drain, and add seasoning according to package instructions. If you want, you can use less water than called for, and add the cans of tomatoes without draining. Simmer the ground beef/tomato mixture until most of the moisture is gone, then add the olives, reserving a handful for the top of the casserole. Remove the ground beef from the heat, and stir in some chopped fresh cilantro to taste.

Now you're ready to assemble! Be sure to spray the dish with nonstick spray. Layer tortillas, cheese, ground beef (enough to cover the tortillas), and repeat. I think I've put the cheese on top of the beef mixture in some cases.. I doubt it matters. Keep layering until you run out of beef. It will probably be about 4 layers, and make sure you end with a layer of tortillas. On the top, sprinkle some shredded cheese and the reserved olives.

I think the last time I made it I baked it, covered with foil, at 400 degrees for 30 minutes, removed the foil, and baked it an additional 15 minutes, or until the cheese browned a little bit. The key is I think. It's all cooked, it basically just needs to be heated through. Also, my mom told me that when she makes it she adds about a half cup of water inside the pan, around the edges, to prevent the tortillas from burning. I've never done this.. and I've never had a problem. After removing it from the oven, sprinkle on some fresh cilantro for garnish. ENJOY! yummm...

PLEASE don't hesitate to make changes.. there have been times where I've thrown a bunch of extra stuff into the beef mixture. (i.e. my mom doesn't put in the rotel or the cilantro, but I thought it sounded good, and I also usually add chili powder since my bf likes stuff spicy). I hope you like it!

Finally!

So I finally found my camera cord.. and I can post again! I guess you can blame my hiatus on nursing school as well.. considering I haven't posted since BEFORE I started my summer school class.. and now it's over. It was fun to finally study something I'm really interested in and know that I will be applying to my career. I've also been distracted by the logistics of school. I have to deal with financial aid for the first time (since I have the most amazing parents and they paid for my undergraduate education, I didn't have to deal with it.. and everything I've taken since then I've paid for using my salary from my job at Packard).

Needless to say, it's been stressful. I don't qualify for grants since I have a bachelor's degree (yes, in many instances I have felt punished for having a degree.. this definitely isn't the first time).. so I have to get loans.. ugh. And mostly that's because my job won't let me decrease my hours. That means i'll have to go relief/per diem, which means I will no longer be getting benefits, and there's no guarantees to how many hours will be available to me each week. The good thing about that is that I don't have to work if I don't want to (because of exams, clinicals, etc), but I don't have a steady paycheck to pay for school/rent/insurance. So loans it is. I still haven't even told my work I'm going relief, but I'm waiting to make sure Kris will be able to add me to his insurance.. which is something he's kinda freaking out about. He says he's stressing about feeling like he's responsible for supporting me. I understand where's he's coming from, but it's not like this is a fling.. we've been together for, oh.. 8 1/2 years now. But still.. I do get it. And I so love him for being as supportive as he has been while I go back to school when he's ready to really start our lives together. I'm truly fortunate to have him.

So.. after all my excitement I realized my camera is sitting at home.. and I have all these pictures of stuff I've done lately. Like yummy food I've cooked, and cupcakes from my first big event, a wedding! So, I'll have to steal from facebook. I'll be right back.

Well, not right back.. it's been about an hour. But I found them, courtesy of my friend Renee (a bridesmaid in the wedding), who took the photos. Here's a close-up of the top. The red velvet cupcake (with cream cheese frosting) is topped with an iridescent purple flower with purple dragees. I really loved doing these because purple is my absolute faaaavorite color.

The flowers are made of colored gumpaste, which I formed using a make-shift foil flower former instead of an expensive one from the store. lol. I painted the flowers using purple lustre-dust, which I also used to color the dragees (they were initially white, like the one in the center of the flower). Here's a photo of them all boxed and ready to be gobbled up by the guests!

It was stressful, but fun.. now that I'm in school I don't think I'll be saying yes to any weddings for a while.. ^_^

body image...

as women, i think we all have a negative body image every now and again.. if not all the time. i know men do as well.. as i have been through the "babe you do NOT need to lose weight" discussion with my boyfriend many times.. but i believe that women struggle with it more. it seems as though we all know that other people are probably feeling what we're feeling.. but i don't think we ever TRULY believe that anyone out there understands how lousy we feel about ourselves.

i had a woah.. that really hit home.. moment recently when i was reading a book that stephanie gave me called "good in bed" by jennifer weiner.:

it brought me to tears.. because i felt like i was feeling exactly what the main character was feeling as she read an article her ex-boyfriend wrote about her in a magazine (similar to cosmo, i imagne).. the article was entitled "loving a larger woman" i wanted to share it, since it really stuck with me.

I'll never forget the day I found out my girlfriend weighed more than I did.

She was out on a bike ride, and I was home watching football, leafing through the magazines on her coffee table, when I found her Weight Watchers folder-a palm-sized folio with notations for what she'd eaten, and when, and what she planned to eat next, and whether she'd been drinking her eight glasses of water a day. There was her name. Her identification number. And her weight, which I am too much of a gentleman to reveal here. Suffice it to say that the number shocked me.

I knew that C. was a big girl. Certainly bigger than any of the women I'd seen on TV, bouncing in bathing suits or drifting, reedlike, through sitcoms and medical dramas. Definitely bigger than any of the women I'd ever dated before.

I never thought of myself as a chubby chaser. But when I met C., I fell for her wit, her laugh, her sparkling eyes. Her body, I decided, was something I could learn to live with.

Her shoulders were as broad as mine, her hands were almost as big, and from her breasts to her belly, from her hips down the slope of her thighs, she was all sweet curves and warm welcome. Holding her felt like a safe haven. It felt like coming home.

But being out with her didn't feel nearly as comfortable. Maybe it was the way I'd absorbed society's expectations, its dictates of what men are supposed to want and how women are supposed to appear. More likely, it was the way she had. C. was a dedicated foot soldier in the body wars. At five foot ten inches, with a linebacker's build and a weight that would have put her right at home on a pro football team's roster, C. couldn't make herself invisible.

But I know that if it here possible, if all the slouching and slumping and shapeless black jumpers could have erased her from the physical world, she would have gone in an instant. She took no pleasure from the very things I loved, from her size, her amplitude, her luscious, zaftig heft.

As many times as I told her she was beautiful, I know that she never believed me. As many times as I said it didn't matter, I knew that to her it did. I was just one voice, and the world's voice was louder. I could feel her shame like a palpable thing, walking beside us on the street, crouched down between us in a movie theater, coiled up and waiting for someone to say what to her was the dirtiest word in the world: fat.

And I knew it wasn't paranoia. You hear, over and over, how fat is the last acceptable prejudice, that fat people are the only safe targets in our politically correct world. Date a queen-sized woman and you'll find out how true it is. You'll see the way people look at her, and look at you for being with her. You'll try to buy her lingerie for Valentine's Day and realize the sizes stop before she starts. Every time you go out to eat you'll watch her agonize, balancing what she wants against what she'll let herself have, what she'll let herself haev against what she'll be seen eating in public.

And what she'll let herself say.

I remember when the Monica Lewinsky story broke and C., a newspaper reporter, wrote a passionate defense of the White House intern who'd been betrayed by Linda Tripp in Washington, and betrayed even worse by her friends in Beverly Hills, who were busily selling their high-school memories of Monica to Inside Edition and People magazine. After her article was printed, C. got lots of hate mail, including one letter from a guy who began: "I can tell by what you wrote that you are overweight and that nobody loves you." And it was that letter-that word-that bothered her more than anything else anyone said. It seemed that if it were true-the "overweight" part-then the "nobody loves you" part would have to be true as well. As if being Lewinsky-esque was worse than being a betrayer, or even someone who was dumb. As if being fat were somehow a crime.

Loving a larger woman is an act of courage in this world, and maybe it's even an act of futility. Because, in loving C., I knew I was loving someone who didn't believe that she herself was worthy of anyone's love.

And now that it's over, I don't know where to direct my anger and my sorrow. At a world that made her feel the way she did about her body-no, herself-and whether she was desirable. At C., for not being strong enough to overcome what the world told her. Or at myself, for not loving C. enough to make her believe in herself.

i, like the main character in the book ("C."), cried for a while after reading this. and i wasn't sure whether i was angry or sad.. or both. probably both. because it is a struggle, living every day hating the body you have.. and i suppose we tend to point fingers at ourselves more than everyone else.. but it's a group effort that makes us feel the way we do. yes, i know i can do something about it.. but saying and doing are two very different things. i won't tell you what happens in the book, just in case you want to read it.. but it's a pretty life-affirming story, and i truly enjoyed it.

on that note.. i started a 4 week boot camp yesterday.. something to hopefully jump-start myself in a road towards a more healthy me. i'll let you all know how it goes.. but let's just say the first day was reeeeeeeeeeeally tough. but good. yeah.. good.

ugh! camera cord.. where are you?!

my frustration over losing my camera cord has been overwhelming me the past couple days. i know, it shouldn't.. but ugh!!! i've been in 'organizing mode' lately since i'll be starting school soon, and i don't want to be stressed about studying AS WELL AS about the piles of my crap all over the apartment.

did you notice how i specified MY crap? yes.. i have a LOT of stuff.. much more than kris.. and i feel very guilty about it. needless to say, i've been getting rid of some of said crap.. trying to make my home 'nursing school ready'

i've also been organizing my digital life. i went through and organized my 650 emails in my inbox, deleting most and putting the rest into folders. i purged my email contacts, erasing anyone whose name i didn't recognize. then i set up my yahoo mail to forward to my gmail. this is all because i'm getting a new phone, the htc hero, which is a google phone, and i want my contacts and emails to be very organized. i hope i can keep it that way. kris has been netbook shopping for me... something i said that i'd buy for myself if i EVER got into school. finally! we're gonna go look next weekend and pick me out something nice.. and cheap. lol.

sooo.. since i can't find my cord, i had to steal pictures of my most recent adorable creations from my coworker whose daughter's birthday i made them for. the theme was abby cadabby. ?! yeah, i had no idea who she was either. apparantly she's elmo's friend on sesame street. the cupcakes were a lot of work.. but they turned out cute!

and i also made a color-coordinating cookie bouquet.. which the birthday girl's mom arranged. didn't it turn out cute?! i loooooooved the color scheme.. and i love the vase.

that is all.. cross your fingers that i'll find my cord soon. and then more photos will be coming your way!

ahhhh!!!

they blocked blogs at work.. which is why i have been MIA for like.. ever. well that and i was on vacation. just tonight they started giving us "quota" time.. so i have 10 minutes to scroll through my blogroll and write a quick post.

i have a bunch of blog photos i have been taking as well... but i lost my camera cord *gasp* and haven't been able to upload them. lisa.. it might be at your house?! that's the last time i remember having it. i'm such a scatterbrain.

in other news, i FINALLY got into nursing school!

PAUSE FOR OVERWHELMING AND LONG-AWAITED EXCITEMENT....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i know, right?

be back soon! (i hope)